President Obama took aim at Donald Trump, Matt Damon--and himself--during his speech at the White House Correspondents' Association dinner, with Trump's chest thumping over the release of Obama's "long form" birth certificate fodder for jokes.
Obama addressedTrump's big decision on "Celebrity Apprentice" was whether to fire Gary Busey or Meatloaf.
Quipped Obama, "You fired Gary Busey. And these are the kind of decisions that would keep me up at night. Well handled, sir. Well handled."
Obama closed on a serious note, noting the service of U.S. soldiers and the devastation in tornado-stricken Alabama.
Here are some of Obama's best lines:
ON LETTING DOWN HIS HOLLYWOOD SUPPORTERS, INCLUDING MATT DAMON
I've even let down my key core constituency: movie stars. Just the other day, Matt Damon -- I love Matt Damon, love the guy -- Matt Damon said he was disappointed in my performance. Well, Matt, I just saw "The Adjustment Bureau," so -- (laughter) -- right back atcha, buddy. (Laughter and applause.)
ON REPUBLICANS TRYING TO CUT NPR FUNDING
And where is the National Public Radio table? (Cheering.) You guys are still here? (Laughter.) That's good. I couldn't remember where we landed on that. (Laughter.) Now, I know you were a little tense when the GOP tried to cut your funding, but personally I was looking forward to new programming like "No Things Considered" -- (laughter) -- or "Wait, Wait...Don't Fund Me." (Laughter.)
ON REP. MICHELE BACHMANN PUSHING THE BIRTHER ISSUE
Michele Bachmann is here, though, I understand, and she is thinking about running for President, which is weird because I hear she was born in Canada. (Laughter.) Yes, Michele, this is how it starts. (Laughter.) Just letting you know. (Laughter and applause.)
ON MITT ROMNEY
And then there's a vicious rumor floating around that I think could really hurt Mitt Romney. I heard he passed universal health care when he was governor of Massachusetts. (Laughter.) Someone should get to the bottom of that.
ON DONALD TRUMP
And I know just the guy to do it -- Donald Trump is here tonight! (Laughter and applause.) Now, I know that he's taken some flak lately, but no one is happier, no one is prouder to put this birth certificate matter to rest than the Donald. (Laughter.) And that's because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter -- like, did we fake the moon landing? (Laughter.) What really happened in Roswell? (Laughter.) And where are Biggie and Tupac? (Laughter and applause.)
But all kidding aside, obviously, we all know about your credentials and breadth of experience. (Laughter.) For example -- no, seriously, just recently, in an episode of Celebrity Apprentice -- (laughter) -- at the steakhouse, the men's cooking team cooking did not impress the judges from Omaha Steaks. And there was a lot of blame to go around. But you, Mr. Trump, recognized that the real problem was a lack of leadership. And so ultimately, you didn't blame Lil' Jon or Meatloaf. (Laughter.) You fired Gary Busey. (Laughter.) And these are the kind of decisions that would keep me up at night. (Laughter and applause.) Well handled, sir. (Laughter.) Well handled.
Obama addressedTrump's big decision on "Celebrity Apprentice" was whether to fire Gary Busey or Meatloaf.
Quipped Obama, "You fired Gary Busey. And these are the kind of decisions that would keep me up at night. Well handled, sir. Well handled."
Obama closed on a serious note, noting the service of U.S. soldiers and the devastation in tornado-stricken Alabama.
Here are some of Obama's best lines:
ON LETTING DOWN HIS HOLLYWOOD SUPPORTERS, INCLUDING MATT DAMON
I've even let down my key core constituency: movie stars. Just the other day, Matt Damon -- I love Matt Damon, love the guy -- Matt Damon said he was disappointed in my performance. Well, Matt, I just saw "The Adjustment Bureau," so -- (laughter) -- right back atcha, buddy. (Laughter and applause.)
ON REPUBLICANS TRYING TO CUT NPR FUNDING
And where is the National Public Radio table? (Cheering.) You guys are still here? (Laughter.) That's good. I couldn't remember where we landed on that. (Laughter.) Now, I know you were a little tense when the GOP tried to cut your funding, but personally I was looking forward to new programming like "No Things Considered" -- (laughter) -- or "Wait, Wait...Don't Fund Me." (Laughter.)
ON REP. MICHELE BACHMANN PUSHING THE BIRTHER ISSUE
ON MITT ROMNEY
And then there's a vicious rumor floating around that I think could really hurt Mitt Romney. I heard he passed universal health care when he was governor of Massachusetts. (Laughter.) Someone should get to the bottom of that.
ON DONALD TRUMP
And I know just the guy to do it -- Donald Trump is here tonight! (Laughter and applause.) Now, I know that he's taken some flak lately, but no one is happier, no one is prouder to put this birth certificate matter to rest than the Donald. (Laughter.) And that's because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter -- like, did we fake the moon landing? (Laughter.) What really happened in Roswell? (Laughter.) And where are Biggie and Tupac? (Laughter and applause.)
But all kidding aside, obviously, we all know about your credentials and breadth of experience. (Laughter.) For example -- no, seriously, just recently, in an episode of Celebrity Apprentice -- (laughter) -- at the steakhouse, the men's cooking team cooking did not impress the judges from Omaha Steaks. And there was a lot of blame to go around. But you, Mr. Trump, recognized that the real problem was a lack of leadership. And so ultimately, you didn't blame Lil' Jon or Meatloaf. (Laughter.) You fired Gary Busey. (Laughter.) And these are the kind of decisions that would keep me up at night. (Laughter and applause.) Well handled, sir. (Laughter.) Well handled.
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